


That Time Of Month

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bruce is smart, F/M, Natasha fakes out the team, Thor and Steve are clueless, Wanda Is A Good Bro, mentions of the red room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 13:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8626282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Tony makes a mistake and Natasha uses it to manipulate the team.





	1. Chapter 1

Natasha was walking down the hallway, when she bumped into Tony. She was on her way to the gym area that had been set up in the basement. She wanted to hit someone, but as that wasn't really an option, she had to accept hitting punching bags. Tony was on his way to who knows where, and had his arms full of what looked to be robot parts, because she could plainly see what appeared to be a metallic head resting atop the pile.

“Hey! Watch it!” Tony exclaimed, losing his grip on the box, sending the robot parts everywhere. The box landed with writing that read “Not Robot Parts: Do Not Steal” facing Natasha. The head slowly rolled, before coming to a stop on her foot. She kicked it away, “accidentally” booting it straight into Tony’s face, hitting his nose hard and making his eyes water.

“Don't you dare build another Ultron!” Natasha hissed at him, “The last time we were very lucky that it was Vision and not your monster brain child.” Then she pivoted on her heel and left, continuing to walk away at a brisk pace. Words in Russian floated back to him, with Tony only recognizing about one in ten words. But it was enough to know that she was talking about torturing him in great detail.

Tony looked a little shocked by the outburst, before yelling back “Natasha, is it ‘That time of month’ already?” Tony smiled, it was a perfectly logical solution, but he knew it would get under her skin.

The reply shortly came, “Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Then she had rounded the corner and he could no longer hear the extremely violent and surprisingly descriptive Russian threats to his health and sanity.

Quickly shoving all of the pieces back into the box, Tony ran to the lab and left the box on the table at his workstation. Then, he said goodbye to Bruce and called the rest of the male Avengers together. Only a couple came, namely, Clint, Steve, Thor and himself.

“What is the problem?” Steve asked, already suited up in his armor with his shield slung across his back. Honestly, did he ever take that stuff off? Thor was also in his armor, Mjolnir in his hand ready to attack. The morning sun glinted off the armor, hammer and shield it was so bright that it made Tony and Clint, who were wearing more comfortable clothing squint and look away.

“Um, no problem, just a warning.” Tony said, glancing at Clint. “About Natasha. Do not, I repeat, do not, piss her off. She will probably murder you.”

Clint stared, “What did you do?” He was fiercely protective of Natasha, and there were subtle hints that suggested that the two might be in love, but they were never going to admit that the to the rest of the team.

“Nothing, it's that time of month, it's completely normal, right?” Tony turned back to everyone else, “Again, do not piss her off or you will die or possibly be violently castrated.” He decided not to mention that the person who angered her might also be tortured, experimented on, or even hurt so badly that they would need an ambulance. For a moment, Tony allowed himself to imagine the news paper articles that would almost certainly follow from such and event. “Natasha Romanoff Murders Teammate” “Black Widow Lives Up To Her Name” “Are All Russians Dangerous?” And if Tony told them his suspicion, then maybe they would get even better, “Hormones, Good Or Evil” “Should Children Only Be Born To Non-Violent Mothers”. Yes, it would be dangerous to anger the Black Widow, but the after-effects might be worth it.

Thor interrupted, “I am afraid I do not understand your Midgardian term, what time of month is it, do months have different seasons of their own?” His face was priceless, the true expression of confusion as he tried to puzzle through Tony’s confusing statement.

“No,” Tony replied slowly, trying not to laugh at Thor’s cluelessness. “Ask Bruce, he'll be much better at explaining.”

The Asgardian nodded, returning to silence once more. Steve also looked confused, and resolved to go with Thor and ask Bruce what the phrase meant.

“Are we done?” Clint was impatient and wanted to make sure that his friend was feeling ok. When Tony gave a nod, the three men scattered, Clint running first to Natasha’s room before deciding that she was probably in the gym punching something. Steve and Thor ran through out the tower, searching for Bruce.

Clint finally found Natasha, she was standing in a circle of what seemed to be seven or eight broken punching bags and was mutilating another with a violent, almost murderous look on her face. He took a deep breath before walking into the room and resting his hands on Natasha’s shoulders. “You feeling alright?” He asked, concerned expression in his face.

She sighed before turning around to give him a hug, “Yeah, I'm fine, just really annoyed. Tony seems to think he owns the world and his attitude is getting to me just a little bit. Where were you?” She smiled in a way one might consider evil, glad that Clint could not see her face. Natasha had a fairly good idea of where he was, and just wanted to confirm her suspicion.

Clint tensed, his mind drawn back to the meeting that Tony had called only a few minutes earlier. “Well,” he said nervously, “Tony asked to talk to the other Avengers, and told them that he had noticed you seemed unhappy.”

Suspicion confirmed, Natasha quickly thought up a plan to embarrass Tony and maybe knock that self obsessed smile of his face. She turned away from Clint and began to walk back to her room. “I'm going to go take a nap, I don't feel so well.”

He followed her, “Nat, taking a nap is not like you at all, are you sure you are feeling alright?” Clint closed the door behind them as they walked to the elevator to take them up to Natasha’s floor.

“No, really Clint, I'm fine, my stomach is just cramping is all.” Thank goodness she had listened patiently to the other girls ranting about period cramps, it was sure coming in handy to convince the boys before making them look like idiots.

“Um, ok.” Clint said leading her to the elevator and watching as she stepped in, “Well, if you need anything, just let me know.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda gets in on the plan.

Natasha sat in her room, wondering what to do next. In theory, she could drag this on for as long as she wanted, but there had to be some way to create an extremely embarrassing situation for Tony and the other guys. She spent a few more minutes thinking before walking over to the wall and hitting the talk button on the PA system that had been installed so that each member of the team could contact any other member in the house whenever they wanted.

“Hey Wanda, if you have a minute could you come to my room?” Natasha said, releasing the button and waited for the answer. She walked over to her one of her walk-in closets and opened the door to reveal the mini room packed with every kind of weapon imaginable. Newer weapons like knives and guns were alongside swords, bows and other more medieval weapons. And Natasha could kill a person in less than a second with any of them.

A couple of seconds later, she replied in a slightly frightened voice, “Yeah, sure I'll be there in a couple of minutes.” The Sokovian had apparently heard the rumors of her violent attitude. But it didn't matter, Wanda would understand soon enough.

Calmly sitting back down on her bed, Natasha began to sharpen her many knives. It was a task that wouldn't take too long, and she was not grinding an entirely new edge, only honing the one that was already there until it was razor sharp. And even with the sheer amount of knives, some of them did not need to be sharpened.

Wanda stood outside Natasha’s door, summoning her magic before knocking. The voice from the inside told her to come in, so she carefully turned the handle to find Natasha sitting on her bed, surrounded by what had to be fifty knives. The young girl gave an involuntary yelp before allowing the scarlet to envelop Natasha and freeze her entire body, except her mouth in place.

“I'm not going to kill you, I just want to talk.” Natasha said, trying to get the girl to trust her. “And, I need your help.” If she could have, she would have raised her hands above her head, but it wasn't as though that would mean much, coming from a world famous assassin would could murder the president and his security without her hands.

“What do you need my help on?” Wanda asked, allowing Natasha to go free, but keeping the magic ready to imprison her again. “I am willing to help you, but only if the request is reasonable.”

Natasha gave a slight smile. “What have you heard today about me being angry and unpredictable?” While she waited for a reply, she moved the knives to clear a place for the nineteen year old.

This prompted a lighthearted laugh. “Well, all of the boys are going insane because they think you are going to explode from hormonal imbalance and kill them. Except, Clint is worried about you. Oh, and Steve and Thor are completely confused about what ‘that time of month’ means, and Bruce is no where to be found.”

“I'll explain. I was pissed at Tony this morning, so I yelled at him. Apparently he called a meeting and told the guys that I was having typical female problems but he managed to phrase it so strangely that Steve and Thor were clueless. I figured it out and I have decided to continue the lie until I can make the boys look like idiots. But I am unsure how to do it and I knew you might enjoy helping, do you want to?”

Wanda’s eyes lit up, “Sure! I'll help. Especially if we make Stark look like a fool in front of everyone else.” Despite the teenager wanting to forgive Tony for the bomb that had killed her parents, and the bomb that held her and Pietro captive in the ruins of their house, she still held a grudge and while not wanting to kill him anymore, she did continually want to humiliate him in front of the rest of the Avengers.

In that moment, Natasha could have been described by the words devil and murderous pleasure. “Great, so we need to find a way to get the team to talk to Bruce about this, because he knows that I don't have periods, much less hormonal imbalance that causes me to be violent.” She paused, with a mildly puzzled expression on her face while she thought.

“If you told me what to say, I could find a way to convince them to talk to Bruce about it. Then they wouldn't know that you were manipulating them nearly the entire time.” Wanda was willing to help, but she did not, yet have enough training to think like a master assassin, so she was differing to Natasha's expert opinion.

A rare smile crossed the redhead’s face. “That might work. Ok, so you would need to just seem like an innocent bystander and offer advice.” She paused for a moment, to think of a solution. Then, she had one. “I think I have a plan, you will be sitting on one of the couches talking to Vision. It doesn't really matter what you talk about, but you have to be interested in the conversation and seem innocent. Then, I will walk into the room and yell, maybe throw some stuff at people and swear at them in Russian. Then, I'll leave. After that the guys will be confused and set on edge even more, so just tell them to go talk to Bruce about it. But remember, you need to sound like you are giving advice. Sound good?”

“Let's do it!” The Sokovian exclaimed, before leaving the room to start a conversation with Vision and begin their plan.


	3. Chapter 3

The plan was about to be put into action. Wanda was sitting on the couch with Vision. The android had been very excited to explain in detail the plot of War and Peace, a book he had read last night. The rest of the Avengers, save Bruce were sitting on the other couches in pairs, debating a wide range of topics. The range consisted of topics like battle plans for the next alien invasion of New York to what was wrong with Natasha. Bruce, of course was in his lab working on something as usual.

Natasha waited in the hallway for a few seconds, deciding what to say and do, before storming into the room. She headed straight for Tony, who was noticeably worried. “What the hell were you thinking? Creating Iron Legion. Honestly, you expect that they would be smart enough to find problems and deal with them. Your precious peacekeepers have been sitting outside my door for nearly the whole day. Fix them, or I will fix your miserable excuse for a life.” Her words were true, the robots had been stationed outside of her door since after Wanda had left the room and headed downstairs.

For added effect, Natasha picked up the table that was right next to Wanda and Vision and threw it into the wall, inches from Tony's head. This was to seem unbelievable as well as draw attention to the fact that the two had not stopped talking, this would only help the whole ‘innocent bystander’ ideal that was key to the girls’ plan. Natasha stormed off, swearing at the men behind her in a mixture of all the languages she knew. Needless to say, the list extended long out of their hearing range.

“It would seem Ms. Romanoff is angry at you.” Vision noted to Tony. “Why did you station your robots outside her door?”

“I don't think I have ever seen her this angry in my life.” Clint told Tony, “It has to be a combination of hormones and your stupidity. She seems ready to tear your head off. Or possibly torture you in the basement to the best of her ability.”

Tony gulped.

But Sam had something to contribute as well, “Man, that can't be normal. I don't care if it's that time of month or what, she's messed up.” At his words, Steve and Thor looked incredibly confused. They had never been able to crack the code to Bruce’s lab, and the soundproofing on the walls made it impossible for the scientist to notice them. As none of their teammates had explained it to them, they had been reduced to looking on the computer, but as none of them knew how it worked, they still had not figured anything out.

“Hey Wanda.” Tony said, trying to distract the girl from her conversation on War and Peace, which she seemed oddly interested in. He was reduced to tapping her on the shoulder when she did not turn away from the complicated plot.

Finally, she focused on the billionaire. “Yes?” She asked expectantly, clearly trying to get back to her engrossing conversation.

“Is that normal?” Tony asked, before clarifying. “Is it normal to be so violent and wanting to kill people for no good reason when…” He trailed off, aware of how uncomfortable the teenager looked.

She shrugged, “Well, why don't you ask Bruce, he'd know and he would probably do a better job explaining.” Then, she turned back to talking with Vision. Trying to keep the smile off her face was hard at first, but as her friend went on talking about all of the plot lines and politics of the book, she struggled to keep looking interested.

“That sounds like a great idea!” Steve exclaimed, “Hey Tony, do you know passcode for the lab?” He was eager to finally ask the doctor his question. A similar expression of hope was mirrored on Thor’s face, the Asgardian eager for the same reason. The rest of the team stood up, accepting Wanda’s solution as a good one and literally dragging Tony to input the code.

When they reached the door, Tony was shoved through the crowd to stand before the keyed lock. His hands moved over the right numbers quickly, with practiced ease. Then, the men were inside and seemed to be a stampeding herd of elephants impatient to get to their desired location.

Bruce was sitting at a desk, using a microscope and tweezers to carefully hold a piece in place while he soldered it to a metal disk. He was upgrading Natasha's Widow Bites. When he noticed the mass of teammates standing before him, he stopped and put the soldering tool to the side, careful not to burn anything. “What would I have done if you had bumped me, those things are explosive.”

“We could shove it down Thor's throat.” Scott said, sounding a little too happy about that. “He's a god, he can't die.”

Thor looked mildly interested to know if he could in fact swallow a bomb, but his attention was recaptured when Tony said, “Actually, we had a question for you.”

“I'm listening.” Bruce replied, folding his hands in his lap.

“Natasha threw a table at my head, so we were wondering if that is normal, if hormones really are that crazy when a woman is on her period.” Tony said as looks of realization crossed Steve and Thor’s faces.

Bruce face-palmed.

“You guys know that it isn't even possible for Natasha, right?” Bruce asked, “The Red Room removed every unnecessary body part, reproductive organs, appendix, the list goes on. They didn't want her to be weakened by anything, and they wanted a perfect assassin.”

All eyes turned to Tony.

“Yeah, I totally knew that.” He said, rather lamely. Then he was tackled by everyone surrounding him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments really brighten my day, so please, it can be anything, a thanks, a 'this work makes no sense', or a random conversation.


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